Your surrounding influences is one of the most important yet most overlooked aspect of having a successful business (or successful anything really). What it means is that the people you have around you can either challenge you to go further, or pull you back to where you have always been. It’s up to you to build an environment where you are surrounded by the right people, those ones that will challenge you and inspire you and there are multiple people you need to bring in to support you on enough levels to build your success.
I really go over this one in detail in all my courses because it’s the one thing that can make or break your success, even if you get everything else right, missing this one will stop you from getting ahead. When you build a support team and allow them to influence you, it’s the fastest and most effective way to get to your goal and smash through your expectations of what is possible.
A lot of challenges in the business world for small businesses or start-ups is that you don’t have the right support network. Typically business start up people hang out with people that are employed, and more often than not, those people don’t know what it takes to run a business, especially the emotional side of running a business, and their feedback can actually be detrimental to the growth of the business.
So we want to be around people that are going through the same jump, not the people that are emotionally connected to us like family and friends. We want to open up our network. And the greatest thing is, is that when you’ve got a mastermind group where people are hearing the same information and they’re supporting each other, they’re holding each other to a higher standard and they are committed to that jump.
I was sitting down with someone recently and they said, “I think I should give this up. I don’t think it’s working, I’m just not a business person.” So I asked them why they though that and they said, “Well, you know, I was having coffee with some of my friends and we were talking about my business and it was really hard to come up with solutions. I just found more and more problems.”
I was like, “Okay, well were they customers or potential customers of yours?”
“No.”
“Do they have any opportunities for joint ventures, databases, anything like that?”
“No.”
“Do they even have any understanding of who your customer is?”
“Oh, no.”
“And so were they giving you advice around your business?”
“Oh yeah. They were telling me not to do it because a job is safer.”
And I said to this person, “That is not building your business, that is wasting time.”
A lot of small business owners will launch businesses with all these high expectations of doing it alone and getting amazing results immediately and they go and tell everyone, their friends and family members, that they’re going to be a multimillionaire, they’re going to set this thing up here and that thing over there and it will grow to this one over here.
In reality they launch the business and they don’t have any support from anyone who has done it before them or anyone to talk to who knows the answers and they make the wrong decisions, typically investing in money in areas that don’t work, and then all of a sudden they’re running out of money and they’re feeling that cash flow kind of panic.
And that panic is compounded because they told all of their friends and family members that they were going to be this multimillionaire and really successful.
At this point the friends and family members look at this person who is struggling and things are hard and maybe won’t get better, so what’s the conversation? “Why don’t you go back to the job? That’s much safer.”
And this is the advice they know, they trust and they live by. It doesn’t make it right or good advice.
What happens is they start to project their fears onto you about the future about how unsafe you are, and some of them might even be secretly pleased that you failed because that means they can stay as they are. Sometimes, you being successful and going out and doing amazing things and being satisfied with life, means other people feel pressure to show up in their own lives more. They might have to think about changing some things and showing up or admitting maybe they don’t have all the answers. So if you fail, that’s actually better for them because they can stay safe and in their comfort zone.
And this actually happened to me. I was so passionate about coaching and NLP training but I was horribly shy and hated public speaking, just the idea of public speaking was so bad I’d want to jump out of a 30-storey window rather than talk in front of my class. And so when I told my friends and family I wanted to be a presenter they intervened, and by that I mean they organised a full on intervention where they all got together around the table at my house, so this is all my friends and family, it was like 20 people, all to convince me not to go through with it, to stay in my safe, well paying IT job.
And they meant well, they wanted the best for me, they didn’t want to see me hurt or to fail or to struggle, so I get that there was nothing but heart in that conversation but none of these people knew anything about personal development, they knew nothing about public speaking or even about Neuro-Linguistic Programming, which is the study of excellence (NLP). So these people who loved me were giving me this advice that was going to damage my future, not protect it.
So they thought they were doing the right thing and because I was you young and hated public speaking I almost listened. I almost believed them and my life would have been safe if I stayed in that IT job and climbed the ladder, but I wouldn’t have been doing what I love, I wouldn’t have challenged myself or changed people’s lives and I certainly wouldn’t be living the lifestyle I have today as an entrepreneur.
So for me that turning point was talking to the right people. Successful business owners who love taking risks and living their passion and getting creative. And this is why I am so passionate and so dedicated to teaching people about surrounding influences because I know it works. This was KEY for my success and I want you to be successful so I am giving you this key.
One of the stories that I tell at Live It Now was how I made that jump to success. So I was young and shy and 17 years old and part of my Saturday morning routine was to go for a jog. At that time in Manly there was a very exclusive waterfront restaurant called The Bower and the walkway there was part of the waterfront running track so every Saturday this restaurant was part of my run.
And I’d see this group of people sitting there having breakfast every week and they were the most successful people in Manly. My nickname for them was The Millionaire’s Group and I use to run pass them every Saturday and think, one day I want to be part of this group. Not even to be part of the conversation, I’d just love to be like a fly on the wall and hear what they actually talk about.
One Saturday I was really pumped up and when I ran past I thought, No. This is going to be that day and I turned around, I puffed up my chest and went into this super posh restaurant. I started heading to their table and I lost my nerve, I was like, I can’t do this. So I sat at the table next to them and ordered a glass of water and I did my best to eavesdrop on what they are talking about.
Now I was originally out running and this was spontaneous so I had nothing with me, no money or keys or anything so I could only have water and after a period of about ten minutes, the owner of the restaurant came over to me and said, are you going to buy anything from my restaurant? I wasn’t even thinking then that I was taking up really important real estate for them, so when it was obvious that I couldn’t pay I was told to leave.
The next week I was running past again and I had my little internal self-talk going, No, no, no, no, no, I can’t do it. I can’t do it. And then suddenly I was like, Yes, yes, I can do it. And again, I walked in and I lost my nerve. This time I sat a few tables away and then again, I realized I had no money on me and sure enough, the owner of the restaurant came up to me and said, “Are you going to buy anything from my restaurant?” And again, I said no, and obviously got completely embarrassed about. And he said to me, “You look really awkward, why are you here?”
And I said, “Well, to honest, the people that are at that table, they’re very successful. And I heard that by hanging out with successful people, sometimes it rubs off.”
So the owner laughed at me and then promptly kicked me out again.
So this is why I say 90 per cent of success is showing up when you don’t want to because I can promise you, I did not like the idea of turning up to that restaurant again, but I wanted to see something different, I wanted a change in my life so I was like, I’m just going to keep showing up. This time, third time around, I actually got prepared, I took $20 with me so I could buy a Big Bower Breakfast and show the owner that it was possible for me to buy something. That was actually my intention, I had no expectation of going up to The Millionaire’s Group table, I was just going to prove to the owner that I was a paying customer, but that’s not how things went because when I walked into this restaurant the owner saw me and screamed at the top of his lungs, “Hey guys, the stalker is here.”
I was so humiliated, all the waitresses were looking at me and the other people at the restaurant just stopped and stared and I was thinking, Oh my God, it can’t get any worse.
I was so, so nervous and I was about to leave but the owner came out to me and tells me, “No, no, no, no. Come with me.” And he took me over to The Millionaire’s Group table and introduces me to them like, “This is the stalker I’ve been telling you about.”
So yep, it can get worse, only instead of laughing in my face they asked me to sit down. They asked me why I was there and not hung over, I mean it’s early Saturday morning and I’m 17, and I told them all about my personal development courses and turns out these guys were interested in a lot of the same stuff and were doing the same work.
Now, when I start talking about personal development you need to book out about four hours because I get so fired up about it. So this day was the same, my passion and intensity became infectious and I started to say things like, “You know, I did this NLP course when I was 12 years old and I used to be really, really dumb, now I’m really, really smart and I want to help people. I want to help people create the life that they want. I want to help people communicate. I want to help people develop confidence. I want to launch my businesses and I want to change the world.”
And they just sat there kind of blown away and then I started rattling off all of the courses that I had done and one guy went white and he said, “Matt, do you realize the reason I am successful is because I’ve done all of those courses and I chose that path?” And they said to me, “We are so excited to have you sitting at this table, if you want, please come back.”
And they also bought me a Big Bower Breakfast so I never needed that $20 after all.
And that became a meeting place for me every Saturday and it was so inspiring, I gained so much confidence and business knowledge and money knowledge and learned that business can be a game, that money can be used as leverage, not an end goal, all this stuff that I never would have learned.
And this is the thing, I didn’t quiz them or interview them or anything or ask for business advice, it was just a social gathering, they weren’t even teaching me anything. I sat there and absorbed and I noticed how they communicated and because I’d studied NLP I started to unconsciously model their patterns and I noticed that they looked at money completely differently. They looked at life completely differently. They looked at business completely differently to anyone that I’ve ever met.
To them, business was fun. Business should be set up from the beginning to create an incredible life. And they would set themselves challenges where they would lock up their money and they would go, okay, we’ve got to create a business from scratch that is going to generate X amount in a week, and if we do that that’s going to be our travel money to this location. I would see them launch businesses at the table, and I’d see them use no money and then, within a week, it would be in profit and then they’d be travelling somewhere together. And it transformed my mindset.
So after my family and friends had that intervention to dissuade me from being a presenter these were the people I came to talk to. And that day they could tell straight away something was up because I was so deflated and I told them that I shouldn’t do the presenter course because I wouldn’t be a good presenter and I wouldn’t be successful, and they were like, “Matt, who is telling you this?” And I said, “My stepdad mostly,” because he was the one who needed to lend me the money to do the course, and they said, “Matt you have this amazing vision, you have this incredible path in front of you. Being a presenter is the way to get there. All that passion and drive will get you over any fear you might have.” And I got this boost of like, yeah, I can do this, so I said to them, “So, can you lend me the money to do the course?” and they sad to me, and this was really impacting, they said to me, “Matt, we wouldn’t want to rob you of that opportunity.”
So instead of giving me the money, which they could have done easily, we sat there and brainstormed ways I could earn that money myself and earn it quickly and I did and it was so rewarding to pay for that course and do that work myself. I did crazy things too, I sold chocolates, all this different stuff to get together the money I needed and that was my leverage, that was my driver, I had worked so hard to earn that spot that I wasn’t going to back down for anything, not even to the fear of public speaking, which I got over by the way, I now love talking to big groups of people.
To this day, these guys are some of my best friends and were actually at my engagement party recently and it’s good to know that they look up to me as much as I look up to them.
And so this is what we want to be able to do, is have that support system in place and to build a network of people that are playing a bigger game. And this is not a nice thing to say, but it needs to be said, that you need this support instead of family and friends that are in jobs that don’t understand business, because they will project their fears onto you, and if you listen to that, you’ll be on their agenda instead of your own agenda.
One of the things about being an entrepreneur is you’re a bit of a visionary, and what is a visionary? A visionary is someone that holds onto a vision of possibility. An inspiring and motivating vision, and they hold onto that vision and they’ve got clarity on that vision in terms of the big picture, and they’re able to hold onto that vision through anything, even in doom and gloom situations.
When everyone else is around them saying, “That’s not going to work, the market’s down…etc.” it’s the leaders, the visionaries, that are the ones who can hold onto that vision and really inspire their team and get to their goal. And that is what leadership is to me; someone who inspires.
So get a support team of people who inspire you, who know about your vision and understand your goal and what it takes to achieve that goal, because those are the people who can get you there because you can get there, you absolutely can build the life you want. You just need the right network and the right influences to build and sustain your hard work.
So get a network, or take advantage of mine by showing up at Live It Now or The Troublemakers Network Big Breakfast where we create like-minded groups for you and hold onto that vision for success!
Stay troublesome!
Matt Catling